Olivia's Marathon Misadventures

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

What's not for dinner.

I did a whole concert in Atlanta with my fly open, and I had a black suit on and a white shirt. My white shirt was protruding from the fly. --Al Green

Well, I clearly couldn't find any good quotes about Atlanta. But I had a hella good time. Especially considering I had just run 9 miles! In reality, ATL isn't that far away - only about 3.5h in the car...if you don't hit the notorious Atlanta traffic: 3 million crazy people driving in 8 lanes (one way!) at 95 mph all coming to a screeching halt at once.

We got there by 5 and had 9p reservations at a hot spot recommended to me by a colleague. ONE. midtown kitchen lured our group of friends there by the lurid promise of a bottomless glass of wine for $19. Despite our 9p reservation time, we weren't seated until after 10p. So, while we could have easily enjoyed several glasses of wine for $19 in one hour, we each coughed up at least $19/person for two drinks at the bar. I am one of the very few people I know that don't flinch at exorbitant prices, I mean, not even bat an eyelash. $19 for ONE drink has been known to happen to me. But this place made me sick! I think it was so because the value proposition was out of whack.

ONE. was clearly a hot spot - it was crowded, people were dressed to the nines (in the quasi-slutty/dudes-in-untucked-diagonally-striped-shirts kind of way). But it had a quality difficult to define, kind of like a meat market that had aged and passed its prime, but only by days. The unisex bathrooms announced their vacancy by a Amsterdam-esque bare red light bulb, screaming "I'm HIP, isn't it fabulous?!" The bar was crowded and my exhausted rear-end threatened more than one martini at the tables unfortunately placed directly in or near the bar area.

After AN HOUR (seriously, when I went to town in the Chambers Hotel even after it was mentioned on Sex and the City I didn't have to wait that long) of bumping rumps with each other we were seated on the patio. Excuse me?! Yes, at a folding table and stackable resin chairs. It was like we were in the kiddie section. Gross. Oh well. We were starving and didn't want to wait until midnight to be served. Ha ha, little did we know...

After perusing the menu, it was clear that small plates were the focus here, though several entrees were offered. I mean, this was after we waited 15 minutes at least for the waitress to acknowledge our presence in her section. Prices seemed reasonable (especially compared to some places in Chicago!), so I ordered two small plates - one as an appetizer (snug harbor mussels) and one as my entree (lamb ribs). Another couple, SS, ordered a wedge salad to start and the mussels as an entree to share - I can't blame them after an hour of waiting, 2-3 cocktails and free pizza appetizers Boyfriend was able to get comped for us. And the third couple ordered a wedge salad and lamb ribs to start and the diver scallops (an actual entree) for dinner. Boyfriend ordered a hamburger. Hmmm....

Round One. Mussels for me, wedge salad for SS, and wedge salad and lamb pops for the third couple. Mussels, eh ok, I can do better. Wedge salad: unanimously gross AND waitress never came back...both girls wanted more dressing. Lamb ribs: greasy gobs of white fat in a chipotle honey glaze - sick. So, this doesn't get an "A", but has not reached catastrophe level yet.

Round Two. Lamb ribs for me - totally nasty greasy gobs of white fat layered with lamb meat like a bastardized mille feuille. The glaze was good, tho! But the whole thing was swimming in GREASE. SS - mussels, but they looked like they'd been sitting under the heat lamp for 45 min...it was like little seafood jerky! Seriously, some of the mussels were so small they weren't bigger than my pinky nail. Can you say, "Over cultivation"??? Couple #3, had diver scallops. All THREE of them. No nothing else on the plate. Just T-H-R-E-E scallops on a plate for $22. WTF?!?!?! Seriously!!

Boyfriend got a burger. It looked so yummy compared to ours. I don't think he realized how close we all came to hijacking his food.

SS decided to send back the mussels (no brainer), and S (he) told the waitress it was the worst dinner he'd ever had. She retorted, "Mussels are an appetizer, not a dinner". No you didn't! You did not just call him out for ordering a huge bowl of mussels as an entree after several drinks, free pizza, and a salad app AND it was after 11pm!!! Especially when only THREE f'ing scallops make an ENTREE?! The waitress continued being rude for the remainder of our time there. So, to make a loooooooong story short, I'll just say, I will NEVER EVER under threat of death return to ONE. midtown kitchen.

But I do love me some ATL!!


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